HOW TO BE A DAUGHTER AND AN ADULT (DAY 01/10)

Photography by Cass Bird / Edit by me

I am a daughter and an adult.  The former I became in a spark, while the latter has been a long road.  And breathing life into both at the same time is a delicate dance, I've learned.

In this ten-part series, I'll offer recommendations on navigating this undulating tide - from being someone else's dependent to being your own ship’s captain - with integrity and honor.

1.) Hug

Hug your parents (or parental figure(s)).  The power of touch is boundless and underrated in our culture of go harder/go faster/go it on your own.  When I was working my butt and brain off as an architect in Manhattan, I would go days without experiencing meaningful touch (being forced into a stranger-snuggle-puddle on a crammed subway car didn’t quite cut it).

*Disclaimer*  I self-diagnose as a “touchy-feely” person: a strong proponent and practitioner of a pat on the back, a held hand, a high five, a kiss, and certainly a hug.  I also mostly trust the internet -especially personality quizzes- and it told me that touch is my #1 Love Language.  I doubly also understand, respect, and relish that we all have varying degrees of comfort with physical touch…but "Love/Belonging" is a fundamental human need, according to Maslow's Heirarchy.

So, now that I’ve retreated from the city and I live closer to parents and parental figures, I hug big and I hug often.

Now, don't get me wrong; I'm not offering that in order to be adult daughters we need to be fakers...sweet little things who speak in pretty rainbow sentences and hug to bandaid over tough times.  What I do wholeheartedly believe is that the soul feels nourished when it acts kindly on another’s.  We feed our deepest, truest nature when we widen our perspective beyond personal feelings of hate/rage/jealousy/confusion/spite to encapsulate the recognition of another person's experience; searching, ultimately, for our shared humanity.  Goodness knows that dads can test our patience and moms can be nosy, but if we reframe our outlook towards them, we might find it easier to stretch our arms outward in gratitude.

We've grown to be beautiful and mature creatures with the gifts of compassion and operable limbs.  Let's use them both...in tandem...more often.